


The Life Story-inator

by Lyoko_Native



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Inators (Phineas and Ferb)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25418941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyoko_Native/pseuds/Lyoko_Native
Summary: Perry the Platypus busted into Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated expecting to foil qn evil scheme, but that's not exactly what happened.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus, Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus
Comments: 4
Kudos: 79





	The Life Story-inator

Perry the Platypus's hang glider had accidentally caught a downdraft, so instead of dramatically sailing into Dr. Doofenshmirtz's Evil Incorporated, he had crashed through one of the apartment windows below. After excusing himself with his signature chirp, he exited the apartment and got on the elevator.

The elevator rang as it reached the top floor, and Perry crashed through the door with the gusto he had planned for his earlier entrance. The door broke when it hit the wall, which in turn set off a trap: a net dropped from the ceiling, scooped Perry up, and pulled him to a desk.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked up from his typewriter with a grin. "Ah! Perry the Platypus! You're just in time to witness my newest _E-VIL SCHEME!_ " He stood and walked over to the wall, where he pulled down a movie screen. He began to narrate as he walked to the projector. "As I'm sure you're no doubt aware, my life has been _pretty crazy!_ " He pressed the button, and he narrated the pictures as they flickered by:

"You'll remember that my troubles started young, since _neither_ of my parents attended my actual birth. They didn't even bother to pick me up from the hospital, so the doctors handed me over to a family of _ocelots_ for a period of time before I returned to my birth parents. They fell on hard times shortly after I returned, which led to the repossession of our _garden gnome,_ whose role I had to take to protect the garden from witches–a terrible task, mind you, but extremely important in Gimmelshtump.

"Even after my father's dog Only Son won many awards and we could have bought back the gnome, my father still forced me to be the garden gnome! When I asked why, my parents disowned me, and I had to live with my ocelot family again. This proved to be extremely problematic, since I also smelled very strongly of pork–"

Here, Doofenshmirtz stopped. He shook his head with a deep frown.

"No! I'm not getting into that! It–just _accept_ that they were biting me! Okay?" He declared firmly.

Perry chirped.

"Good! Thank you for understanding." Doofenshmirtz said. He returned to his slides. "I needed money, so I took a job as the _ball_ people threw at the target at the carnival's dunk tank. My father finally allowed me to come home, but I still had to be the garden gnome, and then _Balloony_ floated away!

"Then my parents were expecting a new baby, which they thought was a girl, so my mother made a bunch of dresses, which I had to wear because we couldn't afford more fabric. My parents greatly preferred my brother Roger–ugh, _Roger._ I don't even want to get into that jerk!" Doofenshmirtz pointed at his tongue. "Just his name– **ROGER.** "

Perry blinked before offering a chirp.

"At the age of sixteen, my parents finally tricked me into getting on a ship, which dropped me off at America, comforting in its… _familiarity._ " He grimaced at Perry, who offered an understanding head nod. That was all that needed to be said. "In America, I met with one failure after another: a _failure_ in my love life, a _failure_ at art, a _failure_ at magic… my only success being my daughter Vanessa." He pulled out a picture of Vanessa from his lab coat. She was trying to push the camera away from her. "See? She looks very pretty here."

Doofenshmirtz turned off the projector and rolled up the screen.

"So anyway, my ex-wife _Charlene_ has been a bit late with her alimony payments–well, I mean, I know that she's probably _busy,_ but it's still _annoying_ –but it got me thinking: what if I had an _alternate_ source of income?" He walked back over to the desk and leaned against it. "And, you know, the more I thought about it, the more I liked it! You know, it would be nice to be more _independent,_ not so tied to my _alimony...!_ "

Perry offered a thumbs up.

Doofenshmirtz put a hand on his heart. "Thank you, Perry the Platypus. It means a lot to me to have your support. I'm really taking a risk here." He said. He cleared his throat. " **BEHOLD!** THE _LIFE STORY-INATOR!_ " Doofenshmirtz gestured grandly to his typewriter. "With this, I am going to write down my _entire life,_ and then market it to a publisher, and it will become _the number one best selling book_ in the **TRI STATE AREA!** "

Perry was quiet.

Doofenshmirtz raised his hands. "I know what you're thinking. 'But, _Heinz,_ that's not an inator. That's a typewriter. WELL YOU'RE **WRONG!** " He pointed at the keys. "You see, Perry the Platypus, on the Life Story-inator, when you reach the end of the line, it makes this little ding sound; it's very satisfying. See, watch." Doofenshmirtz walked around and typed randomly on the keys. When it reached the end of the line, it dinged a very typical typewriter ding. "See? I'd like to see a _typewriter_ do **that!** "

Perry said nothing. He was, after all, a platypus, and they don't do much, you know!

Doofenshmirtz sat down. "The only problem is, the Life Story-inator doesn't come with editing. I have to double check everything I type because I don't want anything _wrong,_ and it's honestly taking a really long time." He put his hands on his hips as he looked at his inator. "I'm beginning to think that Vanessa was right, and I should have just used a _computer._ "

Perry the Platypus, who had freed himself in a dazzling scene that you didn't get to see, pulled out a pair of glasses and balanced them on his bill. He pulled up to the Life Story-inator and chirped.

Doofenshmirtz recoiled. "Perry the Platypus! Are you… _editing_ my _first draft?!_ " Perry nodded. " _Thank_ you, Perry the Platypus! I'll be sure to mention you in my dedication! I just have to make room in the three pages I dedicated to Vanessa."

As if on cue, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz walked through the broken doorway left by Perry the Platypus. "Hey, Dad. I see that _Perry_ is here!"

"Vanessa! I'm so happy to see you! Perry the Platypus is helping me with my first draft before I send it to the publisher. Wait here, I'll get you something to eat." Doofenshmirtz said as she approached the desk.

Vanessa leaned against the table. "Thanks for coming, Perry, but I think I can take it from here." She said. He raised his finger to argue, but she waved him off. "Don't worry about the dedication. I'll talk him down to a line or two." He nodded and got off the chair to make room for her. "Say hi to Phineas, Ferb and Candace for me!"

Perry offered her a salute before doing a sick kickflip out the window to his theme song.

Doofenshmirtz ran back in the room holding a bowl of tortilla chips and a bean dip. "Vanessa! Where is Perry the Platypus? I heard the theme music!"

Vanessa shrugged. "He said he had forgotten about something he had to do, so I told him I would take over." She said. She smiled. "Why don't you start by telling me about grandma and grandpa?"

Doofenshmirtz put the chips down next to her, dazzled as he thought back on it. "It started out on the day of my birth, when _neither_ your grandfather or your grandmother showed up."

Vanessa held up her hands. "Wait. How is that even possible?"

"Well, you _see,_ Vanessa…"

**Author's Note:**

> quarantine's got me acting strange and im an essential worker so I'm not even quarantined


End file.
